2005 with news

weird spam - Friday, December 23, 2005 12:56 pm

the cyto account got a really weird spam the other day:

Ive been trying for the past two hours. Theres a glitch. Even the best machines break down. All right, send someone up to check it out. Use one of theniggers. Naturally. No white man would go up there. 25 It was shortly past midnight when Bourne got off the métro in Argenteuil. He had divided theday into segments, splitting the hours between the arrangements he had to make and looking for Marie, going from one arrondissement to another,scouting every café, every shop, every large and small hotel he could recall having been a part of their fugitive nightmare thirteen years ago. Morethan once he had gasped, seeing a woman in the distance or across a café-the back of a head, a quick profile, and twice a crown of dark red hair, anyof which from a

What the hell is that supposed to mean?? Anyways. Kat and I are ENGAGED. I can't wait! My ebay sales haven't been going so great. Money is something I wish I could grow in my backyard. It's such a pain in the ass.... I am starving. There is a show going on tonight at Sonar, I'll probably be there. Details at cytoplastik.com. I am also thinking I may go to the Anthrax show coming up. Anyone else wanna go? I still need to finish through the looking-glass. Man I really wanna go home. I think I am starting to develop a lazy eye. It kinda worries me. It's this goddamn florescent lighting. I hate it. Makes you blind, and makes you dizzy, and it's just awful for you. But every office uses it. Why? to continue to cut costs left and right like any corporation. Less cost, more profit, at the expense of you and me comments

poetry-for-today - Thursday, December 15, 2005 1:25 pm

"I was expecting god to be more divine than that..."

paradox

I know what I want
and I know that you want
something that i need
that you couldn't give me

You gave it to me but
I cannot see any
thing that's aberrant from
my self-fulfulling prophecy

a trench of emotions, I have drained
only to have the castle of my heart
prudently guarded so I can detain
your mind's eye's penetration

a moat of feelings, I have depleted
only to have the fortress of my heart
prudently guarded so I can complete
your mind's eye's dissimilation

and now I invite
despite how I spite
ideals have been twisted
like they ne'er existed
if I'm not mistaken
this love can't be faking
a disease like a plague
a paradox vague

The hole in my brain bleeds
my thoughts into the sound
i'll spackle my skull so as not
to clot out reality all around

claustrophobic in my isolation
I've become hasty in my hesitation
I'm falling while I'm standing tall
I'm drowning in nothing at all

Relative states of existence

different minds

Please, tell me why
must we strive
to classify
all aspects of life

state of existence
to encompass this essence
with a myriad of words
permanently lessens

the worth of our
experience
the merit of
meaning itself

no figures, facts
you needn't look back
don't soak in sadness
for what you lack

Please, tell my why
we run and hide
when asked to try
to justify

whats life? whats it mean?
we'll ask the machine
for knowledge, reason
no blinded treason

of ancestral ideas
conventional
rejection of
religious dogma

with figures, facts
you needn't look back
don't dwell in madness
for what you lack

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Mediocrity - Thursday, December 8, 2005 12:06 pm

super sexy mama kat Here's some really fucked up news. So I played again at the Phoenix last night with Bobby. It went okay. We got a recording that I'll post up as soon as Bobby sends me the clips. Everyone wanted us to play Bat Country, the song we got kicked off for last time. We played it, horribly. I didn't have my own guitar, and I felt my tone was lacking for what I was trying to do. Electric guitar direct through a PA is weak. I never felt the love in the set. I just wasn't that interested. I don't think Bobby was either. We played well, it's just the songs we did were boring to play I guess. Well I am off to practice my latest new yoga pose: the crane

< --- hot chick

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the lament of eternity - Monday, December 5, 2005 9:32 pm

I have this nasty abcess on my leg. It hurts and it oozes and it bleeds. It's been making my life a real living hell. My doctor doesn't take my insurance. I am feeling sick to my stomach. I am so sad. I want to have a normal relationship so bad... but I have no trust for my sweetheart. She's broken me. My heart has been stamped out. I don't know how I can ever have the same feeling. It's gone forever. The purity. It's gone. Everything is tainted with physical and spiritual relics of past sins and sadness. How can I ever look upon her face? The scar reminds me always of her hurtful actions. Why did you have to do this to me? To prove a point? I guess I deserve it . . . but still. . . now I don't know . . . if I can face you the same . . . and love you the way I did.

I hate my life

I got offered another contract. I can't wait. Getting paid more money to do the same boring ass crap. I wish I didn't have to watch Isis by myself right now. Kat's not here. . . she is in Ellicott City . . . eating? I don't even feel comfortable with that you know? I hate myself. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate that feeling I get when I look and see that my body is never what I want it to be. Always too fat here, too skinny there. . . I have such an ugly body. I can't help it. I have spent far too much time trying to develop my head, and even that feels worthless to me.

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thanksgiving - Monday, November 28, 2005 12:21 pm

Thanksgiving was delicious. I met my niece Eva, and she is so adorable. I love babies that small. Che Is Not Cool. The holiday season once again commences. With it comes an air of fear and apprehension. Screw the holiday season. I hate my desk set up at work. Totally anti-ergonomic. The top of the monitor is below my chin. I can't lift it at all. The desk is too small. I hate being here. What can you do though. A job is a job. I have been putting together a new linux server. I am modding out the interface to be more MAC-like. I was gonna record some stuff with audacity on saturday, but I couldn't find my mic or my god-cables. I think they are all in Ellicott City. I'll have to get them today.

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cold November rain - Monday, November 21, 2005 11:45 am

An interesting website about goodnight moon

awful

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cim nepo - Thursday, November 17, 2005 1:56 pm

Before you do anything else, you have to check this out!
This is one of the coolest things I have ever seen

"I played the open mic at the (lame-ass bar name removed) last night and the bartender cut us off because he's a pussy. Not because we sucked, because we played bat country and it totally owned. They just can't handle a distorted guitar. Boo-hoo. Whatever. We'll fine tune it for acoustic and still own the shit outta that place. It's too bad. We were just about to play some beatles too. You know that is the second time in a row I have been cut off just before I was going to play a beatles song. The guy after us played spin doctors for christ's sake. Spin Doctors! Fuck the spin doctors. So many random people came up and told Bobby and I that it was awesome as hell, yet the bartender told us we got cut off because people at the bar didn't like it. I don't believe it. You want to read something crazy? My time is so unsatisfactory right now. I feel like everything in my life is a tease. My job, my love relationships, and my musical endeavors. It's kinda disappointing.

I had a dream this morning that was really weird. Kat gave me a hug goodbye in the morning at 5am, all dressed up in her nurse's uniform. Yay for sexy nurses. You know I just don't understand why women complain about being portrayed as the sexual gender in human society. I know if I were a woman I wouldn't complain. I went back to sleep after that and then came the dream. I was in a car with Christian and he was driving. He was messed up or something and we came to an intersection that looked like it could be near 103 and 104. I told him to be careful, and he was trying to be. The road was full of children. I told him to watch out, but a group of kids just ran in front of the car while he was driving. He hit some little girl and I could feel the car roll over her twisted frame. He pulled over to the side of the road. I don't know what happened to him after that. I can't remember. I know I went back to a house, into a room that looked like my room at my parents house in the basement. The hallway outside of the room was different. The fact is that there was a hallway at all. The hallway looked kind of like the hallwaay in my current house in the basement. There was a door where there would be a laundry room, but there was aanother bedroom in that room or something. The walls were bare except for what seemed to be some cleaning supplies on the floor. There was some sort of contractor or electrician working in the room next door to me, the one down the hall that should be the laundry room had the hallway actually been part of my current home. People kept calling me to go to this party, but I wasn't interessted. It was the place that Christian and I had just left. I don't remeber actually being at the party at any point though in my dream. People just kept calling and telling me to come out. Then I awoke.

I will leave you with a great quote on a survey that a myspace friend put up after a break up:

19. Are you lonely right now: Fuck off. I have a bottle of vodka, a vibrator and a handgun. I'd say I have all the company I need right now.

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